This was supposed to be a Tokyo Ghoul reminiscing post (it still is!), but when I read it back, I got sidetracked, so I had to change my opening lines to accommodate my ever wandering thoughts. But yeah, sometimes you’re in the right time, place, phase, and age when you consume something that resonates with you in a completely different way.

In fear of sounding like a broken record, I’m currently doing an anime nightly marathon in an attempt to keep my sanity intact and stop my brain from deteriorating due to endless scrolling. So far, it’s working. I’ve watched so much in the span of four months. I spend about three hours a night just watching anime, I kid you not. I have no life outside of home, work, and reading hobbies obviously haha. But I digress, the one that started it all was Tokyo Ghoul.

If you backtrack to my posts in 2014, you’ll see just how much of a fangirl I was. In my defense, it was my very first anime series that spoke to me on a completely different level. Compared to what I had watched before, it felt like a breath of fresh air. It was so different, so captivating. The first episode alone had me hooked, line and sinker. It had me in the palm of its hand. All I talked about was Tokyo Ghoul. It became my personality, basically.

Watching it now, armed with years of watching other anime and reading other stories, my perspective has of course naturally changed. And I have to admit that if I watched Tokyo Ghoul today, I wouldn’t have been the same massive fangirl I once was. I’m in a different headspace now, and looking back, that sense of novelty and discovery played a huge role in how strongly I responded to it back then.

But don’t get me wrong, Tokyo Ghoul—especially the first part—had genuinely strong writing. I think Sui Ishida had real plans for it, and it shows (the anime didn’t but let’s not dwell on that). Ironically, I was even more hooked on TG:re than TG, but the former clearly lacked the same narrative drive as the original. Especially in the latter half (after Arima’s death) there were moments where the story felt lackluster, almost like it wasn’t sure where it wanted to go. If Attack on Titan is an example of a tightly planned series, TG:re felt like the opposite: a bit clunky, sometimes even aimless.

The first Kaneki hair/persona change after Jason’s torture was a pinnacle moment in the storytelling. That episode alone was cinematic. But I didn’t like how that transformation became a repeated trauma response in every major turning point afterward: the Haise persona with his memory loss, the childlike version of him, the cold black-haired CCG investigator, the dragon personified, even the reunion with Touka. It started to feel recycled, almost like a running gag. He changed so much but it felt more superficial, despite being the result of immense anguish and physical pain, very unlike that first transformation. And for me, that’s what made it lose some of its originality and emotional honesty over time.

That being said, it’s still a memorable series for me. It is not because I’m more mature, it’s just interest and taste generally changed. And while it’s not as impactful as it once was, but looking back, I see how deeply I used to love it and that memory still brings me a lot of joy. It’s a little cringey in hindsight (among my trove of cringey moments online), but it was a genuinely fun experience. I met people online who loved it too. I used to scour spoilers with the patience of a honey badger. Scrutinized every panel. Deciphered full-on Japanese website to buy the manga. It was fun! So yeah, maybe it really was the right time in my life to be a Tokyo Ghoul fangirl. I’ve always believed that we go through phases shaped by our age and experiences at the time. And that’s not a bad thing because the collection of those moments becomes a part of who I am.