They say when it rains, it pours—and it really does! ⛈️ I meant that literally and figuratively. The entire month of August was just rain. And no, not the cute drizzle rain like Forks in Twilight. I’m talking about the kind of rain that can submerge cities in a day. I could even peek through the fire exit of our building and see the flooding from the other street. I think I saw the sun shining for maybe 4 days total, only for the late afternoon to come around and the rain to start pouring again.

And then figuratively because wowzers, I sorta forgot this thing even existed, and now I’m suddenly anxious about how to move forward, reeling from everything as I weigh the consequences of my own neglect and the decisions I have to make now.

Life Lately

• Something I thought I had already dealt with. Turns out, not really. I stopped paying attention to it and just moved on. I guess, I thought it would stay quietly in the background if I ignored it long enough. Well, I was wrong. I left it to fester, and now it has come back to bite my fucking sorry ass. This month was especially rough, and after days of dealing with it, I finally knew I couldn’t keep brushing it off. Legit crestfallen about it. Neglect do have a way of catching up with you. 💨
• And now there’s a decision to make. NGL I thought this wasn’t something I had to think too much about. I kept things manageable, and for the most part, I was able to just go about my life. In my defense, I didn’t think it would eventually get to this point. I thought I could just keep dealing with it as it came. But nope, things have changed, and now I have to seriously consider my options. And streamlining it is just too much for my anxiety riddled body to take in. Added to that I really don’t want this thing taking over my birthday month. 🥲
• One step forward, two steps backward. For now, I’m doing my due diligence and keeping myself informed. It’s honestly overwhelming because there are so many different experiences and opinions, and sometimes the more I read, the more confused I become. I swing from no to yes then back again, completely unable to make up my mind. Again, it’s a lot to take in! There’s only much my mentally exhausted brain can absorb and handle! I know, I know, I need to decide eventually, but maybe I don’t have to figure everything right now.
• But at least I have a new (not really) kindle! Before all of this happened, I was obliviously browsing e-readers when it dawned on me that I don’t really need a brand new one. So I installed carousell and started searching for secondhand e-readers! And I saw this 10th Gen Kindle Paperwhite selling for dirt cheap! I immediately chatted with the seller and got it so fast. There’s some issues with it, but I don’t mind since I read on and off, and one book at a time. I don’t want to invest a lot of money in a gadget I may not even use regularly. So this is more than fine! Got me some real bargain!
• Sometimes you gotta try it yourself. I finished haikyuu! and really wanted to watch something I hadn’t seen before. While browsing netflix, I saw Tougen Anki, which I vaguely remember from the anime con we attended last April. The consensus was it was mediocre at best and just plain bad at worst. But you know what? It was actually good! It helped me get through a rough week because I had something to distract myself with. I liked the whole power system, the lore, and the art style. The characters aren’t as endearing, but they slowly grew on me. I also started reading Love Upset. It’s in the same vein as Melting Point and Dash, but I feel like LU had a more sincere treatment of the sport it features rather than using it mostly as embellishment for the romance and story. Something I really, really appreciate. I also just finished watching season 5 of The Floor. I loved playing along with the players! That biopics topic was *so* good.
• I was mostly indoors. Like I said earlier it mostly rained. Though we did need that rain as it helped refill our dams because last July, we were worried about them trickling slowly toward critical levels. We got that water but in extremely disastrous way! So if people once more deny climate change, I’m gonna slap them in the face! You don’t fuck around with mother nature!

September Agenda

• The decision. I really wanna put this at the back of my head for the meantime. The first night, I couldn’t even sleep because I kept thinking about it. All these scenarios kept playing in my head, just gassing up my anxiety box full tank! Anyway, I did make a list of things I want to ask and clarify before I make up my mind. But again, I’m still not 100% on board. I keep swinging between yes and no, and ugh, I really just don’t know yet. There’s a lot to consider, and I just want to give myself some time to sit with it. Oh bless my troubled heart, Lord.
• My brother’s birthday. They say the rain will still continue this September, but hopefully we’ll get better dinner weather to celebrate his birthday. Oh yeah, September officially starts of the holiday season here!
• Taking things one at a time. I honestly don’t know how to plan the month because it will definitely be influenced by the decision I have to make. But see, next month is my birthday month! And I’m about to unlock Level 4.0! and also my blog’s cake day bash! So I wanna prep as an over-planner girlie! But you know, life happened. 😮‍💨 So now, I’m derailing the revamp once again. I did receive a very cutesy illustrations I commissioned from a local artist for my blog redesign, but yeah, that’s gotta wait too. I just wanna slow down and think through a lot of things.

Gotta always remember that God has my back all the time! Praying for a healthy, jolly, and relaxing September for everyone! 🍵🧃🍎😶‍🌫️🍀