This is my mandatory spill your guts yearly post, aka my birthday entry! Nah, kidding, but I feel like sharing some things about life and learning is good once in a while. Last year, I talked about being young and never feeling like it’s too late, despite being in my thirties. I often encountered people younger than me lamenting about getting old and not being ready yet. News flash: we will never be ready in life. Life in stores surprises us in all different packages. In retrospect, I realize that I spent so much time wandering and wondering (hence the title)—yes, only wondering and taking no action.

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.

— Albert Einstein

I have lots of “what ifs” in life—and maybe more in the future. I just can’t help it. The innocent and younger me from before? She hated taking action. I always left myself wondering about the outcome. But I’ve learned that failing is better than not knowing at all. So yeah, this is the reason why I made my huge career move, and I am truly blessed because God gave me this opportunity, and I didn’t leave it for me to wonder about again. But wondering in and of itself isn’t bad. I think everyone of us needs to wonder. We need that curiosity, that little spark, to motivate. To wonder is to show interest, no matter how small, and I think that’s nice. And if this curiosity remains in my head too often, I think it’s telling me something. Ignoring would be bad, and leaving yourself wondering the whole time could hinder growth, me thinks.

I’m glad that sometimes, even though I’m such a fearful human being (most of the time), my anxiety-ridden self incites action when the call is there. Yes, there are so many scenarios that play in my head—mostly negative ones because I’m always scared. I usually go for the safer route, the less fuss alternative. But even though there are safer options, wondering will never stop when your heart is telling you to do something. The heart and the mind just need to meet in the middle. And when that time comes, it isn’t just a mere curiosity anymore. You have something in you that wants to do it; it isn’t a fleeting thought anymore that I can leave myself to wonder. And it takes courage to take that very first step!

The point of this whole post is that wondering will always be part of me. I didn’t suddenly become a free spirit and jump without thought! I will always be overly cautious, quick to panic, and play it safe, but you know what? I have this in me now that wants to take a step. Cautiously, one at a time, but there’s movement, and I find that great. There will be some that remain just thoughts, but there are some that will turn into something good! It’s backed by this new-found courage and determination!

Photo by Surachet Khaoropwongchai on Unsplash