I’m trying my best to keep my sanity while dealing with this chronic daily pain and all the side effects of dienogest. Is this a curse that comes of being a woman? ‘Cos as much as I love being a girl, all these monthly—now daily—wretched add-ons can send anyone into sensory overdrive. Just thinking how the irony isn’t lost on me because just a few months ago, I was actually looking forward to my birthday and all the other things I had planned. 💨

And now, here I am, powering through. It’s hard, though. The flutters of my endo flares come and go, and every time they do, it’s just another awful reminder that I have this. Being back on hormone pills has been even harder than the first time. But anyway, let’s do the monthly 411!

Life Lately

• I’m just questioning everything! I don’t want to get into too much detail, but I mentioned before that I have both endometriosis and adenomyosis. (Wee! I have two! What fucking luck!). The flares and my body’s adjustment to the pill haven’t been easy. And honestly, going to doctors who see you, scold you, then send you away doesn’t exactly inspire optimism. I feel like I’m all alone managing these side effects and it’s just making my anxiety at an all-time high. I’m also dealing with frequent migraines, dizziness, spotting, general lethargy, and of course chronic pelvic pain! Just want it to all stop and feel normal! But with no options left (or the option I chose) I’m just trying to take life as slowly as I can. Some days, I feel like doing nothing because I’m just that exhausted.
• My mind just couldn’t stay still. I don’t know if it’s hormone changing or the pain clouding everything, but I can’t concentrate on what I’m reading, and it’s been difficult to get invested in anything new. I barely finish something before my attention wanders somewhere else. So I ended up watching my all-time fave just keep my attention glued in: Katekyo Hitman Reborn! I also reread some old faves too, but picking up a completely new read feels harder strangely. I mean, I still read a decent amount this month, but something feels like it’s missing.
• I just wanna feel like myself again please! The first two weeks were actually ok. At first, I thought my body was adjusting normally and things were going fine. My nephew and niece stayed with us for a week while their parents went on a work trip. My brother’s birthday was postponed, but we still celebrated after the kids went home. I did remember feeling relatively ok during that day or at least ok enough to function. Although, to be fair, I wasn’t really 100%. I was having chills, feeling feverish, and experiencing some spotting, but I really did vividly remember being able to do my usual things without constantly walking around with my hand pressed against my abdomen. And that felt like a big deal now. Ugh, wtf happened? I’m just sooo exhausted and I miss my old body!!! Now I feel like I’m walking a tightrope, trying to figure out how to endure this as my body adjust (or should I just get rid of all of it altogether?) Aaaah! It’s so frustrating, I really don’t know what the right thing to do. I really don’t!

October Agenda

• This is the part where I’m supposed to be giddy. But the excitement has been cut in half. It’s my birthday month! I’m officially turning middle age! Yes, the big 40! Super huge deal! And, of course, there’s the blog anniversary, too. I’ve already written the posts and just have some editing left to do, so at least I managed to be somewhat productive despite everything my body has been putting me through. My mind is exhausted, probably because of all these hormonal changes but really? what else can I do? Just keep the regular programming on while enduring this annoying, uncomfortable situation.
• Adult Size Medium. Nothing to do with Hilary Duff‘s song (though I love her new album!), but this is about taking on a few more tasks as we enter the last quarter of the year. There’s also all this super el niño news, which adds another layer to my worries. I’m trying to remind myself that maybe the worst will might not happen? I know what the scientists are saying, but I’m also praying that things won’t be as bad as feared. Praying so much about it (among the long list of prayer requests).
• Just wanna get better. I know, I know, this whole post sounds super pessimistic, but I’m legit trying my best to keep my sanity and my life intact while navigating all of this. It’s hard to feel fine when your body doesn’t feel right. So for now, I’m taking things one at a time, as much as I can; as much as my body and mind allow me to. I have plans. I have things I want to do, even though most of the days I just feel tired, but life goes on. And I’m holding on to the hope that things will get better. I pray God makes my health—life better. I know it will!

Sending you lots of love and health dust for this month. Candies and pumpkin lattes are ready! Praying for a blast of a happy October! 🤎🍂🧦🧸🎃☕️