When I redesigned this space 5 years ago (5 years ago?! time sure did a speedrun), I thought about my schedule, the routine I’d built, and how I imagined my blogging habits would evolve. With that in mind, I designed this blog around what I thought my new style of blogging would be: short and simple.

Guess what?! I’m actually not built that way.😤

An outspoken person trapped in an introvert’s body. I have so many thoughts in my head, and I always want somewhere to dump them. The most convenient place has always been my own little corner of the internet. This blog. Sure, there’s social media but a blog is where the heart is. I feel free here because this space is mine, with my own rules.

I tried to follow the tl;dr mantra, but alas, I’m far too loquacious to restrict myself from speaking my mind. 🙊

In hindsight, I realized it was far more uncomfortable to limit what I wanted to say than to simply say it with no holds barred. I’m the type of person who has opinions on everything, and being such a recluse, I don’t really have anywhere else to healthily let those thoughts out besides my blog and my personal offline journal. With my anxiety, my mind is practically a beehive of thoughts that need an outlet, lest I start feeling suffocated.

Of course, I’m not all talk and completely unfiltered. I do filter my thoughts. I’m deliberate about what I want to say and how I should say it, but writing those thoughts down comes naturally to me.

While my parents probably consider my outspokenness one of my flaws—especially compared to my very reserved left-handed siblings (I just had to mention that trait, considering I’m also the sole right-handed, exact middle child—the third of 5 children)—I’ve always been the one who isn’t afraid to tell my parents exactly what I think.

I don’t like lying. It agitates me, and I can’t comfortably live with a lie I made anyway. I’d rather be blunt and say what I genuinely think.

That being said, I don’t see myself as a particularly good person. I have flaws too. I’ve made mistakes I’m not proud of, especially during my younger, more naive years. But I’m not shameless enough to avoid taking responsibility for them.

I digress. 😮‍💨

As the months and years passed after the redesign, I noticed myself typing longer and longer paragraphs. The words just came out naturally. I also realized what made me hold back in the first place: I’m a bit anal-retentive when it comes to my blog. I wanted every post to feel polished, carefully selected, scheduled, and aesthetically pleasing.

But you know what I actually wanted all along?

A space for my thoughts. That’s it!

In fact, my drafts vault is overflowing with topics that have never seen the light of day simply because I kept trying to beautify every single blog post.

Now?

Fuck it.

I’ll just post them one by one.

I’ll post more, even if they’re nothing but walls of text. I’m fighting against the trend. You want short videos and constant sensory overload? Well, tough luck, I’m going to post text! Long paragraphs of it! Consider this my tiny act of resistance against the modern internet landscape.

So yeah, my new design will highlight me more—my thoughts more!

For the longest time, I prefaced my blog’s identity around its design, graphics, the reviews, carefully made blog banners, and sad attempt flatlays. But not anymore!

The wall of text is going to be the muse of this space.

I won’t keep cramming my thoughts into a tl;dr format anymore. Thankfully, the current design can actually accommodate my fickleness, even though it was originally built for the exact opposite. Turns out it’s much more flexible than I gave it credit for.

People always say, “nobody reads blogs anymore.” Well, nobody likes to read, period. (but that’s another post I’ve already written and I’ll publish that one soon.)

But this is me.

This is the habit I grew up with: writing my thoughts and finding happiness in doing so. There’s something incredibly satisfying about untangling the words that have been stuck in my head and finally seeing them on a page, even if I’m the only one who ever reads them.

The catharsis of writing essays and blog posts is simply unmatched.

This is my own little act of resistance, too.

I like to write.

Lots of it.

And I’m not letting the internet convince me otherwise.